friends

friends

[May. 25th, 2013|02:24 am]

[	\|	My bedroom	]
[	\|	listless	]
[	\|	Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up	]

I have so much to say, but I don’t even know where to begin. Things took a turn for the worse in the blink of an eye. I have lost it all. I have lost myself. I put my heart and soul into something that got me astray in the end. It’s true when they say “Nothing lasts forever.” I thought I tried my best but it was proven that I did nothing right from the beginning. I was never enough I was never good I was never an apple of somebody’s eye.

If I could turn back the time I would definitely turn things around, be different and do things differently. Unfortunately that’s not even possible. I just hope I’ll be able to pull myself together and move on with life putting the past behind. Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it was this hard either. All I pray for now is to have Him give me the strength to pick myself up and accept fate as it is. Every time I think about the good times I had, my heart aches, literally.

Maybe I deserve this. Many times I have to repeat in my head that things happen/happened for a reason. After all, He knows best. He would not make you go through something that you can’t take, right? My denial self would definitely have to chant those words every day. Some things are just inevitable and you can’t control. You are bound to fall a lot in life – sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down. I have learnt a lot throughout my lifespan (often, the hard way), especially the last five years.

Now what are left are just memories, good and bad. But I know I have to loosen the grip and let things go… which is something I haven’t learnt and mastered yet. Oh God, please guide me. I feel… lost.

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